It never ceases to amaze me where ideas can show up. While I was getting a mani-pedi today, sitting in one of those over-sized massage chairs with the swirling foot bath and a fabulous color of pink being painted on my nails, I was thinking about how lucky I was to be sitting there.
I wondered how many women in the world don’t have the luxury of such treatment, and have never even heard of a "mani-pedi." I was feeling very grateful for my life. And then this idea came.
Wouldn’t it be interesting to watch a ceremony that opened with the bride and groom each taking a turn to say something about the gratitude they are feeling.
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These "Gratitude Offerings" would be the very first words spoken in the ceremony. Just a sentence or two (written on a pretty little card to read from) would ease you into your ceremony with a heart-opening tone and an opportunity for a little playfulness to set everyone at ease.
Here’s an example of what I imagined:
Bride: I am so grateful to be here today and for all the things that brought me here: my parents, the good fortune of meeting my perfect mate, and the friends who have supported me through all my planning angst.
Today, I am also particularly grateful for my wedding dress, the fact that my groom let me pick out his suit, the food we will eat, and the joy to be shared.
Groom: I too feel grateful today — for the chance to be a worthy partner to someone who is so good to me, for the fact that she didn’t make me wear a tuxedo, for my basketball buddies, our dog Xenon, and for all of you, for coming to share our wedding day with us.
"Gratitude Offerings." Whatcha think?
What secrets are you keeping from your mate? We all have secrets! It’s only human. No problem with this. However, you should know what would make you feel safe enough to share them with your partner. And that is what wedding vows are made of.
Here’s a short exercise to turn deeply-held secrets into powerful vows:
1. Privately, make a list of all your secrets. Call this list "A."
2. Ask yourself this question:
"What would it take to make me feel safe enough to share all my secrets with my fiance?"
Write down lots of answers. Call this list "B."
3. Now, share List "B" with your partner. Have a really generous conversation about what makes you feel so safe in your relationship that you can talk about anything.
Discover what you have in common. Consider, without judgement, the ways you are different. Learn what your partner needs in order to confidently trust you. Define how you can offer your partner what is needed.
4. Together, write down at least 3 very clear statements that say exactly how you will work to create that safe environment.
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