The stigma of “putting Mom or Dad in a home” is fraught with emotional guilt, even when we know it is necessary in order to provide our parents with the level of care that we are unable to provide ourselves.
Among the reasons why a care facility is an appropriate choice for many of us include parental disability, physical illness, or a decline in memory or other thinking skills severe enough to reduce the parent’s ability to perform everyday activities, such as Alzheimer's.When we deliver our family members into professional care, we have reasonable expectations of trust and honesty of the health care workers, nursing staff, caregivers, or “care custodians.” This trust we place in care professionals extends to those working in in-home support services, Community Living, clinics, nursing homes, adult day care centers, independent living facilities, regional centers for individuals with developmental disabilities, and other similar agencies.
Here is a typical and nefarious scenario: When Joanne was 57 years old and living in Vancouver with her husband and three school-age children, her mother Ellen was 79 and living independently in the condominium she and her husband, Joanne’s father, bought in Kelowna when they retired.
Joanne noticed that Ellen seemed to be having some mild signs of cognitive decline – she became a bit confused about time and place, and exhibited occasional short-term memory issues, but Joanne chalked that up to just “old age.” All in all, Ellen seemed able to care for herself, she appeared to be well and happy, and she had lots of friends in the community looking out for her through her involvement with the local Senior’s Centre.One morning, a few months after a visit with her mother, Joanne received a phone call from the Kelowna police to advise that her mother was found wandering alone on the outskirts of town.
She gently questioned her mother, along with Ellen’s friends and neighbours, and it became apparent that her mother’s memory and sense of present time had deteriorated significantly.
As time passed, everyone seemed to have become blurred in Ellen’s mind.
