In our most recent discussion with participants online, andwemet pondered the question— “Why are we afraid of getting into new relationships?”
Now, the common consensus was that the fear of getting into new relationships stems from unpleasant experiences in the past, be it lost trust, being gaslit, or perhaps even just falling out of love. The most important thing to remember in these cases however, is that this feeling is normal and that you are not alone.
Speakers in the sessions shared their personal experiences wherein incidents from their past deterred them from trying to find someone new in their 30s. Factors such as trust issues, impatience, intellectual compatibility, loss of freedom and even the loss of your sense of self all played a part in giving rise to doubt and insecurities. This train of thought sometimes even leads people to give up on the idea of marriage altogether.
So, the question remains, how should we deal with these fears?
Recognising that this fear exists would be step one. Unless you’re able to come to terms with the fact that there is something holding you back there isn’t much you can do to tackle it.
Next, try to understand why you are being faced by these thoughts. Try, to separate truth from fiction and be self-aware of your hang ups and insecurities. It is also important at this stage to set up an open line of communication with any potential partner before pressuring yourself into a relationship.
Lastly, understand that no relationship is perfect no matter how well matched the two individuals are. Each couple has their arguments and rough patches, but it is important to recognise that the two of you are a team, working together to solve the problem.
Ultimately, it is a very human reaction to be wary of being vulnerable in a new setting, and at times this instinct can come in handy. Although, this doesn’t mean you should not pursue a relationship that you think could end up being something wonderful.
If you think you are ready for a serious relationship but can’t find that special someone don’t hesitate to try methods such as online dating. There might be a bit of a taboo surrounding the subject, especially in India, but in today’s busy lifestyle, using these websites can help find your significant other without needing to resort to blind dates or set ups arranged by your family.
Just remember to take your time and dismiss any external pressure that might push you in a direction you would rather avoid. Make your decision, keeping in mind your own capabilities and boundaries, and don’t let self-doubt hinder your search for love.
