Warning!
This is an article for those who want to become a nightmare for their colleagues. You've definitely been there! But seriously, these tips work, but in reverse - don't try to replicate them.
So, dismantling a team is easier than it seems. Yes, even the most cohesive and efficient one.
Imagine that each coworker is your personal opponent in the computer game "Neighbours from Hell" and your goal is to make their life miserable. Follow our advice and you'll quickly outplay and destroy these naive good Samaritans:
1. Working hours are for the weak
Don't hesitate to write in the evening or at night about work tasks. When a colleague is relaxing after a day's work, they're vulnerable. It's the perfect time to find out why something went wrong, and who's to blame.
Demand a response until victory. If the employee made a mistake and checked their messenger, write them "I see you're online". Let the mention from you in the chat or a private message be associated with problems and kindle a desire to live in the woods.
2. More chats for the chat god!
Clearly structured work chats help to establish efficient and transparent processes. Clutter them up. Let there be several chats for every project and department, each becoming a world of its own.
The next level of chaos is individual chats for every issue. Gather the presumed culprits and carry out an investigation. Best done in the evening or on weekends, of course.
And don't forget the general chat. Be unpredictable: alternate questionable memes with work tasks.
3. Shout as if no one hears
Your emotions are everyone's problems. It's your colleagues' fault they irritate you. They should know this and figure out what to do about it.
Don't hold back: if emotions get the better of you—shout and pound the table with your fist. Your coworker needs to feel the magnitude of their mistakes. Show that, unlike them, you are wholeheartedly committed to the common outcome.
This method is potent. An especially sensitive colleague might resign immediately to preserve their mental health. If that's not what you need right now—apologize and reinforce the reconciliation with "we are all like one family here". Then, once the person has calmed down, start shouting again.
4. Technical tasks are boring. They should understand you with half a word
Lazybones who don’t want to rack their brains. Your royal max is to mark the name and deadline of the task in the scheduler.
Let the colleagues seek the initial parameters themselves and guess what exactly you need. And if they do ask—define the parameters orally, without any textual confirmation. Upon completion of the task, express surprise why it isn't done the way it should be and change the conditions.
5. Don't approve without revisions, or else the specialist will become complacent
Imagine that a designer has submitted a design layout for your approval. Most likely, the specialist has put in effort and thinks everything is fine. After all, they have expertise in their field; otherwise, they wouldn’t have been hired. Think again.
Leave a comment on every element of the layout. Review it together with that guy from the neighboring organization. Emphasize that the red color is somewhat sad, and overall, it seems everything is off. Let the colleagues get used to files like design-layout_final5_definitive.psd.
6. Host quizzes and quests
Keep your colleagues on their toes by occasionally organizing "black" Mondays, Tuesdays, or Thursdays. Feeling down? It's a great reason to come in and sullenly search for mistakes in processes and tasks. Let the staff quieten down and hope they won't be engulfed by the tsunami of your dissatisfaction.
Take it to the next level: when dissecting a task, don't tell the employee exactly what you're dissatisfied with. Instead, ask them "What do you think is wrong here?" or "Does everything here meet your own standards?". Remain silent while your colleague agonizingly sifts through options and loses track of the discussion.
7. Punishments are fun
No right to err! Remember, the responsibility for a staff member's improper actions lies solely on them. Understanding the root causes is secondary, the colleague should firstly feel ashamed. And shame is most potent when it's public.
Discuss all mistakes openly, making it extremely awkward for both the person at fault and their colleagues. Your employees will do everything to avoid being in that unfortunate spot — meaning there will be fewer errors. Or you'll simply be unaware of them.
Certainly, there are even more intricate ways to demotivate a team. You've been with an online journal about digital and technology - Digitbin.
We are waiting for your versions and stories in the comments.
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