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Being a parent means being a guide for your child into adult life

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Archie Heron
Being a parent means being a guide for your child into adult life

A child born is not able to survive alone. He needs a guide who will provide him with care and teach him how to cope with the challenges on his own. Such natural guides are parents. Do you know how to become a guide who will help your child find his or her own way to a happy life?

Such natural guides are parents. They themselves have been prepared for life by their parents and most often they copy (consciously or unconsciously) the schemes and beliefs instilled in them by their carers.

For many centuries this system has worked quite well. The living conditions did not change drastically over the course of one generation - what worked well in the world of parents in the majority, with minor modifications, worked well in the world of their children.

This model is no longer a good exam in the modern world. Social, moral and technical changes are taking place so quickly that the world of children and parents are completely different worlds.

The world of our grandparents had established patterns: social status and opportunities, depending mainly on their background and education - only a few individuals were able to break out of their environment. Most often children followed in the footsteps of their parents - several generations worked all their lives in the same factory, in the same profession.

Also, the children's upbringing patterns were copied without major changes - because the parents didn't even realize that they could change something.

Our parents' world has partly changed these conditions. In socialism, theoretically everyone had equal opportunities, although in practice it did not look so rosy.
It was known that educated and rich parents were able to provide a better start for their children - they appreciated the importance of knowledge and outside the school system they provided tutoring, additional physical and intellectual development activities, travel, books unavailable for average bread-eaters.

Teachers gained a great influence on the education of children. Those who were passionate about their profession were able to awaken aspirations and willingness to deepen their knowledge in young minds, although it still depended to a great extent on the attitude of their parents whether something beautiful would grow out of this seed or be trampled on by contempt and destructive criticism.

The role of knowledge was more and more appreciated - it was a ticket to better work, better material conditions, but still the role played by the beliefs instilled in our childhood was underestimated.

And they were often copies of what previous generations passed on: "you're not good enough", "you don't deserve attention and respect", "others are smarter and better than you", "you mustn't be selfish, the needs of others first, yours at the end", "showing your feelings is a sign of weakness", "you're only fit to listen to commands", "keep your head down, be like others", "life is hard", and so on.

In the result, better material conditions did not mean a better, happier life.
Parents who were not happy themselves did not know how to teach happiness to their children - also no-one taught them this.

More and more responsibility for raising children was placed on school - and it is not school, but home is a place where children's characters and attitudes are formed.

Whether children feel loved at home or whether parents are wise guides and support for them depends on how they are able to take advantage of the growing opportunities they face.

In order to do this task well, it is high time to realize that to be a good parent you also have to prepare yourself. That it is not enough to have the experience that we have brought from the family home, because our generation and our children face completely different challenges than those faced by our parents.

Changes are accelerating - children who go to school now live in a different world than those who started school a few years ago. This world shapes what they encounter every day.

For them, the world is a world of computers, television, mobile phones that are omnipresent.

This does not change the fact that they still need wise guides to deal with the complicated reality. The guides who show what is really important will help distinguish reality from fiction, teach them to make wise choices, control their emotions, all that is needed to build satisfactory relationships with other people.

Recent research shows that over 60% of Polish parents leave their children alone with their TV set. From an early age, parents turn on their children's fairy tales to take care of them and have more time for themselves. Then the child is often left alone in front of the TV or computer, and the parents are not even interested in what he or she is watching, do not talk to the children about it, do not know how he or she perceives the world shown on the screen.

The average school-age child spends between one and several hours a day in front of the TV.

Conversations with parents take a few minutes a week, not counting organizational and cleaning matters.

How does this affect the psyche and physical condition?

Movies and the Internet can be a valuable source of information, but this information needs to be properly matched to the age and interests of the child, explained and made sure it is understood. No one will exempt parents from this obligation.

Surely it's easier to hold a grudge against TV stations, that there is violence in many programmes, or stupefying series, or the school that the curricula are inappropriate, instead of asking myself - what I want to teach my child and what I can do to grow up to be a wise, sensitive and independent person.

Many professions require continuous further training to ensure the right level of service.

What are the requirements for parents, on whom so much depends?

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Archie Heron
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